He ghosted me, what should I do?
First thing first, sis, I feel you.
Being ghosted is literally the worst feeling on earth.
According to Darcy Sterling, a New York City-based therapist, she said: “It’s normal to assume you’ve done something wrong when a love interest disappears without explanation.”
That’s why being ghosted hurts so much – it’s a mixed emotion from anger, confusion, sadness, loneliness, and helplessness.
We logically know we aren’t disposable rubbish but somehow it just feels like it.
So yes, being ghosted really sucks.
That said, you are definitely not alone and now I’m trying to offer raw steps to cope with ghosting.
I tried it out myself and it works so hopefully it’s helpful!!
Please take these advise with a pinch of salt, I am not a professional counselor
It’s actually quite vulnerable for me to share all these steps as that’s my personal experience. I am not sure if these tips help because everyone has their own set of logic – so please take it as a reference 💖
1. Understand the neuropsychology of ghosting
First thing first, understand the human nature that we subconsciously want an explanation about something we don’t understand.
When someone ghosts us, that triggers our whole brain activity.
It activates a systemic experience of loss that stems from our amygdala, hippocampus, and prefrontal cortex.
When you know it’s scientifically normal to have that kind of sadness and desperation ( The thought of I can do everything if he/she comes back to my life), at least you will have a certain level of compassion for yourself and understand it’s okay to have all sort of emotions.
These days, the attachment theory is all the rage these days.
I think it’s so important to NOT identify your sadness of being ghosted because you have an anxious attachment and you should FIX yourself.
Don’t be that harsh to yourself and I’m sure regardless of your attachment style, everyone will feel sad and betrayed about being ghosted!
Remember, you already suffer a lot – don’t add an extra layer of guilt to this whole situation.
STOP thinking you are overreacting, being ghosted is like undergoing through drug withdrawal, of course you want to find him back and seek validation from him.
Nothing’s wrong with you.
You are already trying your very best to resist the temptation and reading this post now.
I am PROUD OF YOU.
2. Keep watching YouTube videos
If you are an emotional girl, I’m pretty sure just doing Step 1 is not enough.
To release your full-blown emotions, keep watching YouTube videos with the titles
and more.
The high chance is after watching 20 videos in a row, you will still feel those boiling emotions but at least you feel someone (The Youtuber) understands you.
That’s a certain level of comfort.
And by watching these YouTube videos, you slowly release a certain part of anger and sadness.
In this moment, you have to find an exit from your emotions, and watching videos certainly helps.
Some other ways are going to forums like Reddit, and Quora and reading other people’s stories – that will make you feel better as well.
3. Understand that you won’t have this feeling FOREVER
In this moment, I get it, the temptation is SO REAL.
You want to text him a long text so bad, keep calling him until he picks up, looking for the explanation.
I’d say STOP. (Slap you in the face)
There are two logical reasons:
1) If you want him to come back ( Trust me you will feel silly when you get over this guy after 2 weeks LOL), finding him is NOT GONNA help the situation.
If you just accept being ghosted, leave him alone, and live your life as if nothing happened, there’s a chance that after a period of time he will find you back. (You can check out the science behind this phenomenon on YT)
Actually, I will suggest you ghost him when he comes back later LOL
You definitely deserve better sis.
2) Rmb that NO RESPONSE (ghosting) is already a response.
Ghosting = he is not interested in you.
He might have a certain level of interest in you but NOT HIGH enough to keep in contact with you.
4. STOP FINDING EXCUSES
Ladies, we all know how imaginative we can be.
Oh, is that because he lost his phone and can’t contact me?
Oh, is that because he is playing a hot and cold mind game with me and actually secretly waiting for me to find him?
Well, MEN isn’t as complicated as us – they are mission-oriented and they do what they want.
To stop all the excuses in your mind, you just have to keep telling yourself,
If he wanted to, He would
Seriously, keep telling yourself this line, your brain desperately needs it.
5. Create Fake Hope to buy time
I don’t think everyone needs this step but if you are a hyper-sensitive or super-emotional girl, being ghosted by your crush or getting over a situation can REALLY feel like a catastrophe.
After going through previous step 4, you might still feel like SxIT and it’s okay.
Let’s do Step 5 – BEING DELUSIONAL to buy time.
I’d suggest you shut down your phone or delete the whole WhatsApp (or any kind of texting tool you and ghoster were using) and wait for perhaps 2 or 3 days (or even a week) to open that back.
That way, you can have a fake hope that he might already find you back and you can have 3 or 4 days of peace before facing reality again.
The point of using this strategy is BUY TIME for yourself to still function well.
Trust me, after 3-4 days, part of your logical side will take back and your emotions will feel less overwhelmed.
When you download back the Whatsapp, your emotional state is already different, and even if he doesn’t find you, it’s not as hurtful as you would have imagined.
6. DISTRACT YOURSELF
Actually, keeping distracting yourself is the fundamental step to getting over this whole messy ghosting thing.
Staying busy might not be a long-term solution but definitely an effective short-term coping mechanism.
Just being occupied with tasks helps take your mind off of what’s bothering you.
For me, the worst thing ever is staying in your room with the curtain closed and feeling super isolated.
Sometimes when you are deeply in your head, that hopelessness can drag you into a dark hole that no one can understand.
Depending on your emotional state, these are some things you can do:
- keep showing up in the office and working on your job
- Download a dating app and start scrolling (even if you don’t feel like it – as what you want is a distraction)
- Keep asking your friends out every night to keep yourself occupied and tired
- Find a short-term goal to accomplish (That one really works as it gives you a sense of accomplishment)
Think about doing 16/8 fasting, starting a new hobby like Zumba, going to the gym, and more.
If you are in the depressed stage and feel like you don’t have any energy to do your normal things (like going to work or meeting friends), at least force yourself to
- Get out of the house and sit under sunlight (That helps immensely)
- Get a facial or nail appointment (So you can stay silent if that makes you feel comfortable)
- Do some shopping (Shopping therapy is real sis, if you worry you will spend too much, go thrifting so you won’t feel too guilty afterward)
7. Embrace the whole journey
Last but not least, embrace the whole ghosting journey.
Keep doing step 1 to step 6 until you feel better…
As a super emotional ISFP, I totally understand how hurtful you are right now.
But trust me, the feeling comes and goes and eventually one day you will get over this whole ghosting thing.
One day, you will see this whole thing from a new perspective and that’s the moment you realize you already move on.
And that’s the moment you realize you are stronger than you think you are 🙂
The truth is, there are many girls out there being ghosted like you …🥹
If you find these tips useful, please help me pin or share this post so more ladies can feel better x
Thanks love – the girl power is real 🥹💖
FINAL THOUGHTS:
So there you go – the 6 steps if you are wondering how to get over ghosting.
What are your thoughts on that?
I hope after reading this post makes you feel better. Trust me, I am a hyper sensitive ISFP, if I can deal with it, you can do.
Send you virtual hug here.
Looking for more self-love ideas? Check out these blog post ideas down below – see you love!
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