Have you ever wondered – why am I not in a relationship? How to find love again?
I feel you.
The truth is – there are a wide range of reasons for this question.
More often than not, it’s not always about looks but something more in-depth.
If you are ready to dig out the truth, check out the 8 reasons!
1. You don’t love yourself
As Dalai Lama said “If you don’t love yourself, you cannot love others. If you have no compassion for yourself then you cannot develop compassion for others.”
That’s so true.
The truth is – your partner is your mirror.
If you are triggered by some of the behavior of your partner, there is a high chance that this is the exact behavior you don’t accept yourself.
For example, some of the behavior by your partner reflects your childhood trauma that hasn’t healed yet or other things that trust issues.
If you don’t heal and love yourself well, it’s impossible to have the capacity to love others.
Plus, even though your dates may not be able to pinpoint that, people can sense that you have low self-esteem and don’t find you attractive in that regard.
2. You don’t understand what you really want
If you want to have a wholesome relationship, understanding yourself is the first key.
And it’s actually not as easy as we thought.
Step 1:
Don’t fall into the trap and blindly follow what society says a fulfilling relationship should be. Everyone has different needs and you should define that yourself.
While some of the needs and desires for a relationship are pretty much universal, only YOU know what factors are your priorities and what factors are just good to have.
For example, Mary is an independent girl and she needs a certain amount of alone time. She is also work-oriented and intimate relationship comes second.
If she understands herself well and accepts that, she will know a partner who wants to see her every single day and expects her to reply to the text within 30 minutes may not be for her.
While for Jamie, she craves emotional connection so much and a relatively clingy partner is actually perfect for her.
So yes, it’s so important to understand yourself enough to the point that you know what you are looking for in a partner.
By that point, you are ready to enter a relationship.
SIDE NOTE:
To me, figuring out my MBTI type is such a life-changing thing for me.
After knowing I am an ISFP (Feeling type) myself, I finally realized I need a partner who is emotionally savvy.
While for some thinking types, emotional savvy is not a main criterion.
Trust me, if you don’t figure out what you really want, it’s hard to get into a relationship.
3. You are not over the last relationship
If you haven’t let go of your ex, it’s hard for you to open your heart and enter a new relationship.
Even if you’ve found the right one, you may subconsciously sabotage the relationship by comparing your new date with your ex in a biased way.
So ladies, face the pain and go through the healings first.
I know it can be hard, but I know you can do it!
Solution:
This video is gold.
4. Limiting mindset for finding love
As Leon Brown said “You are your worst enemy. It is your negative thoughts that hold you back, nothing else.”
Some of the limiting mindset sounds like this:
“I am already 35 years old, I have to find someone to settle asap”
“It is hard to find “The One” as it is too good to be true”
“I only attract bad boys.”
All these limiting beliefs are like curses in the brain – it’s impossible to get into a satisfying relationship if you have this altered view of finding love.
Solution:
Step 1: Identify your limiting belief
Sometimes writing that down makes you realize how ridiculous those beliefs are. (Been there, done that – it works)
Step 2: Detach from that belief
Understand that those beliefs and thoughts don’t represent YOU.
Create some space between you and your thoughts.
Step 3: Replace the old belief with new positive thoughts
The mind is EVERYTHING.
What you think, you become.
5. You are looking for the “perfect” person
If you want someone who is fun and adventurous, high chance he or she is not a meticulous planner and more goes with the flow.
If you want someone calm and put together during difficult times, high chance he or she may not be emotionally expressive like a teddy bear.
The truth is, you can’t have it all.
The sooner you realize this, the quicker you set yourself free and have a reasonable view towards finding the one.
Pick the negotiables and non-negotiables, and be compassionate to yourself and others.
Sometimes a good relationship is simply two perfectly imperfect people not willing to give up on each other and keep showing up.
6. You are not putting yourself out there
Finding love takes A TON OF effort – it’s no easy feat.
So, ladies, it’s time to put yourself out there and do the work:
- Asking your friends for “referrals”
- Go to the dating app
- Join the interest class
- Make friends with strangers
As an introvert, I truly know how hard it is.
But trust me, when you meet your Mr. Right or Mrs. Right one day, it’s all worth it.
7. You care about instant attraction too much
If you think the instant chemistry is a must, well, think again.
For some of the relationships, chemistry doesn’t appear on the first date or even the first few dates.
Depending on the personality, it takes time for your date to be natural and open up with you and the attraction can be slowly developed shortly after.
So ladies, if there are no red flags on the first date – perhaps say yes to second date and see where it goes!
Never say never.
8. You don’t have much going on in life
If you have nothing to do except the 9-5 job – well, it’s time to get some new hobbies and other activities.
After all, you don’t attract what you want, you attract what you ARE.
If you want to attract a partner who is also passionate about life, let’s fill up your calendar first!
Plus, if you have an empty life and focus on finding love too much, you are sending desperate vibrations and people can all subconsciously feel that.
FINAL THOUGHTS:
So there you go – the 8 reasons if you are wondering why am I not in a relationship and how to find love again.
What are your thoughts on that?
I hope this article helps! If you find it useful, please help to pin or share this article so more single friends find this helpful!
Of course, there are more than 8 reasons – if you have anything want to share, comment down below!
For more articles, check out the popular read down below! See you there loves!
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