So last month I finally cracked and bought the coffee machine I’ve been stalking online for two years.
You know those 3 AM Amazon scrolling sessions where you add ridiculous things to your cart just to feel something?
Well, I actually hit “purchase” on the Breville Oracle Touch – a $2,500 espresso machine that costs more than my first car lolol
My financial advisor is not speaking to me, but my caffeine-addicted brain has never been happier.
Let me take you through this wild journey of justification, buyer’s remorse, and eventual coffee nirvana.
First off, this thing is MASSIVE. When the delivery guy struggled to carry the box up to my apartment, I should’ve known I was in trouble.
It’s basically taken over my kitchen counter like some chrome-plated overlord demanding daily worship. My toaster has been relegated to a cabinet, and my air fryer is giving me side-eye from its new home on top of the fridge.
The setup process was surprisingly straightforward – though I did spend an embarrassing amount of time just staring at it, afraid to touch anything.
If you find my review useful, check out the Breville Oracle Touch here <3! I spend some time to find the cheapest deal on the internet – enjoy loves <333!
The touchscreen walks you through everything, which is good because the manual is thicker than some novels I’ve read.
My first attempt at coffee was… humbling.
Despite all the automation, I somehow created a brew so bitter it made my face do that cartoon pucker thing.
Turns out you still need to dial in the grind settings and shot timing. Three YouTube tutorials later, I was producing something drinkable.
By week two, I was making lattes that honestly put my local coffee shop to shame (sorry, Dave – your foam art is still better than mine though).
The machine grinds, tamps, brews, and steams milk to this perfectly silky texture that I didn’t know was possible at home. I’ve started inviting friends over for “coffee” instead of “drinks” now, which feels disturbingly adult.
The touchscreen lets you save personalized drinks, which is dangerously convenient.
My morning “Monday Motivation” setting has enough caffeine to resurrect the dead, while my evening “Just One More Won’t Keep Me Up” setting is basically a lie I tell myself.
Now for some real talk – the downsides. This machine requires regular cleaning that borders on ritualistic. Skip it, and you’ll pay with subpar coffee and guilt.
If you find my review useful, check out the Breville Oracle Touch here <3! I spend some time to find the cheapest deal on the internet – enjoy loves <333!
The cleaning tablets aren’t cheap either, and the whole process takes about 20 minutes of your life you’ll never get back.
Alsooo, tbh the water tank needs frequent refilling, which doesn’t sound annoying until you’re half-awake at 6 AM and sloshing water all over your countertops.
Has it saved me money versus daily Starbucks runs?
Absolutely not.
The spreadsheet I made to justify this purchase to my partner is creative fiction at best. But has it made my mornings something I actually look forward to?
One hundred percent yes.
Would I recommend it? Only if you’re prepared to become unbearably pretentious about coffee and never enjoy a regular cup again.
If you find my review useful, check out the Breville Oracle Touch here <3! I spend some time to find the cheapest deal on the internet – enjoy loves <333!
The Breville Oracle Touch hasn’t just changed my coffee – it’s ruined me for all other brewing methods. And honestly?
I’m okay with that lololol
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